You’re Should-ing On Yourself: Stop

Quit Should-ing All Over Yourself

Every day we are guilty of should-ing all over ourselves. This includes: I should act this way; I should do this; I should do that; I should be a certain way. More specifically, how about a few of these:

  • I should be nice to this person
  • I should be more active
  • I should read and learn more
  • I should use my time more wisely

All of these shoulds build up into a big bundle of should that you constantly step into. This pile of should is in both “should” and “shouldn’t”. But where does it come from? Who is the judge here?

In the book THE FOUR AGREEMENTS, the author talks about the most fiercest judge of all: yourself. These “shoulds” come from all directions. They come from perceived instructions in society. They come from our parents. They come from the news. They come from what we read. All of these “shoulds” cook in our mind until they boil over with guilt and pressure until it feels like we are going to explode under the weight of this pile of cooking should.

This is your life

The first thing to realize is that you are the judge. You are the lawmaker. You are the whole court and legal system. The power is in your hands. Time to be curious. Let this be the first day of your new life. You, as the lawmaker, have the power to take suggestions, but right and wrong is up to you. And if you are living in presence and love, then is there any wrong?

What happens if you choose not to be nice to a person? What happens if you choose to be nice? (Haven’t we sometimes be told that we shouldn’t speak to strangers or other types of people?) Remember, you are rule maker. Dig in with these questions:

  • What would happen if I choose to do this instead?
  • How would I feel if I did this instead of what I think I should?
  • What would be a different approach to this?
  • Am I doing this out of habit? Can I change?

A lot of this builds on top of listening to your heart and following its lead instead of following the lead of society. The question is: what do YOU want to do?

Dig into curiosity

Go ahead and poke life a little bit. See if you can find out what is behind the curtain. There is a whole new world for you to uncover, if you examine it with the new eyes of self-fulfillment and curiosity. Here are some good questions to dig further:

  • Why am I doing this?
  • Who is this for?
  • What am I getting from doing this?
  • How does this advance who I am?
  • If no one was watching, would I still be doing this?

The key is: be you. Whoever you are, you are not wrong. This is your day to do what you want and be lead from your heart. Let love be your guide–truly. Not what you think you should, but what your heart knows you will.


  1. I do not subscribe to shoulds, great article. I’ve been browsing your work this morning, really good stuff! I’ve enjoyed the content and the acronyms. 🙂

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