It Ain’t You – It’s Them

“Certain persons simply will not like you not matter what you do” – David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest

Before we dig in, let’s take a look at this excellent post from Relax Maven about Moving on From a Traumatic Past. Some of the things we covered before, but they summarize them nicely:

  • Ground it. Breath deep and sit with it.
  • Recall it. It will be painful, but healing hurts.
  • Sense it. Feel where it hurts the most. Find what the pain is.
  • Name it. There is power in naming (versus avoiding) your pain.
  • Love it. OK, Grandi Jr. this is your time to shine. (I’m still working on this one.)

Now…let’s begin….

Haters gonna hate (how to stop caring…mostly)

Do you ever feel like a people pleaser? That was rhetorical. We care what people think. Well, at least the non-sociopaths among us. It hurts. It freaking hurts when people don’t like us. Do you know what else hurts? Thinking that people don’t like us. Or, thinking that people are critical of us. Would you like to know a secret? Most people don’t care.

You may have a zit on your face or have the worst fart smell, but guess what? So do they. We each have this condition called being human. There are days when you feel ugly. There are days when EVERYONE feels ugly. There are days when you feel like you messed up. There are days when EVERYONE feels like they’ve messed up. Being human can be horrible or it can be enjoyable. The point of this site is to realize that with presence, curiosity, and love that life can be incredible.

Lifehacker had an article about how not to care when people think badly about you. Let me summarize it for you:

  • It’s not (typically) your fault.
  • Feel the pain.
  • Self-reflect.
  • Spend time with people who love you.
  • Tell the haters to “suck it”

You do you, boo

No, seriously. You do you, boo. I like this article from Darius Foroux (he has fun hand-drawn diagrams) that talks just about that. The article is about how to stop caring about what other people think. (Side note: I think we will always care some, but you get the point.) His idea is that by focusing on our vision and our values, we creation our own mission. By focusing on our mission, we are driven from the inside. (Shout out to Daniel Pink’s book DRIVE.)

Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm – Winston Churchill

It turns out that Churchill may not have said that quote, but I still like it. The essence is there. Or, if you want an actual quote, check out Brené Brown’s use of Theodore Roosevelt’s quote in her book DARING GREATLY:

Find your mission. Get in the ring. (Try to) not care about the haters. You. Do. You. Boo.

Speaking of you

Let’s sign out with two more quick links. First, 4 things emotionally intelligent people don’t do. It’s all about being strong, emotionally, from the inside. This is how you will shine. This is how you will find that you start loving yourself more and caring less about the haters. The article specifically talks about not worrying about the future, not ruminating in the past, and not criticizing others. Repeating the last one: don’t criticize other people. If you don’t want to feel criticized then don’t be critical, either. This means to other people and to yourself.

And how do you grow your emotional intelligence? Try this article: 3 steps you can take to increase your emotional intelligence. It all goes back to: recognize, label, and listen. Today’s post has now gone full loop: take the past, don’t worry about the future, sit in the present with curiosity and move forward with your individual purpose. You got this, boo!

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