A woman’s mind is a beautiful yet complex thing. Racing thoughts, often conflicting, seek the best while trying to avoid the worst. This inner-mental competition goes beyond the simplistic left-brain versus right-brain. Oh no, that would be too easy. A woman’s thoughts are like Hitler on one shoulder and Gandhi on the other. One side says, “do it like you don’t give a fuck.” The other side says, “but what would they think about me?” It’s what do ‘I want’ versus ‘what do they want,’ times ten-thousand.
At least that’s my first impression after reading two books from women, about women. The first book is Girl Logic by comedian and entrepreneur Iliza Shlesinger. The second book is Finding F*ck Yes by Clare Marie Edgeman, whose writing describes balancing everything in life, including type 1 diabetes and sexual desires and desirability. I’m pretty sure I’m one of the few dudes that have read either book and probably the only one to read both. So, here are my dudely thoughts on womanhood.
Self-doubt and imposter syndrome especially suck
In showbiz, business, and life, society shoves women into roles they didn’t apply for, simply because of their womanhood or body type. Somewhere there are unwritten rules passed through generations of women that say they should be this way and not that way. Women are obliged to follow a contract they didn’t sign. What if they don’t want to? What if they desire to do something different?
Standing up with independent thought, bucking the trends, takes (in colloquial male talk) a lot of balls. That’s what makes women like Ruth Bader Ginsburg such badasses. Mysterious, unknown society members tell these women that they shouldn’t follow their passion and instead should follow their loins into 1950’s motherhood. Whatever the fuck that means. Sadly, the world misses out on all the fantastic potential of women listening to the voices of the latter. Thank God for the Tina Feys and the Melinda Gates of the world.
Sex isn’t for babies, its for fun
Men can be like sperm lawn sprinklers, continually seeking to ejaculate for the sake of ejaculating. If they can’t spread their seed to women, they’ll yank it into tissue paper or socks. (Seriously, though, who uses a sock?) They’re always finding pleasure. But, who’s to say that women can’t have fun, too?
There’s a lot of stigma on “number of partners” for women as if that nebulous number defines the person. Again, societal pressure weighs down with boulder-like weight on the shoulders of women as they decide to pick up a guy at a bar versus a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. Why not both? Guys like ice cream, too! Just as women like sex as well. Why can’t we all just get along and bang as we want or don’t want?
Putting on makeup sucks
It takes me about 20 minutes to shower, comb my hair, and get dressed for work. I cannot imagine subtracting an additional hour from my sleep for the sole purpose of applying makeup. If I missed out on extra sleep, just to put rouge on my face, people would be calling me worse names than “crazy bitch.” I would deserve those names because I would burn down the world for trying to look pretty, act pretty, and play nice. I could not and would not want to juggle it all. Nope.
An extra inside voice
I’m always impressed by women’s abilities to multitask, multitrack, and multi-conversate. If you need an example, check out the people that take your drive-through order. A woman could take your order, talk to the customer at the window, make change, and still find the best deals for you. Nine times out of ten, it is a guy that says, “one minute please,” as you hear him ask his manager (a female) what button to hit.
That inner voice isn’t necessarily a superpower. It could be, but often it’s not. Most of the time, that voice is full of “what if” double suppurative questions. The voice wants to know what to wear when to show up and what character to play. That inner dialogue has intrinsic power of good, such as not offending people, but often delays the decision. So, fellow guys have some patience when she doesn’t know what to eat.
Most often, we’re similar
Guys and gals are mostly similar. Despite having different body parts, social standards, and the loud, competing voice inside, we are all pretty much alike. We have passions and dreams, needs, and desires. We all have failures and shortcomings, as well as successes and achievements. At the end of it all, we’re all human and we all self-doubt. We need to have compassion for ourselves, as well as our fellow humans. We’re in this together; we need each other.