Francine Made the Best Damn Margarita in Town

A short story about a margarita

Francine made the best damn margarita in town. People would crowd the bars getting a sample of her fantastic concoction. Old men would get four-hour-long boners; women would have dozens of orgasms; people looking to drown their sorrows found joy. The blind could see, the lame walk, and the mute speak. 

One of the worst football teams in America visited Francine’s bar, and they ended up winning the Super Bowl!! 

Francine had a secret source. Instead of triple sec, she would draw from a fountain the flowed outside just behind her bar. How did Francine know to take from the fountain and mix it into a margarita? Easy! Francine lived with her grandparents, who had wild and loud sex, well past the ages of 155. It would keep Francine awake. She ended up asking her grandmother, who told her about this fountain. 

The health inspectors

Now, you should know, there is a peculiar point of Francine’s secret source. Health inspectors that had come to do what health inspectors do–health inspect–would observe Francine in her work. She did everything correct, including washing her hands. But they also noticed her going out back and taking ingredients from the fountain.

So each inspector followed the source of the fountain to make sure it was pure. Multiple inspectors, you say? Why yes. The first inspector would trace the source and then end up missing. The next inspector would come and repeat as the first, but the only difference is that the inspector would find a body before he/she went missing, too. The next inspector found two bodies and went missing; the next inspector found three bodies and went missing.

Then one day

The fountain dried up. This made Francine sad and the old men’s penises flaccid. The people seeking to turn their frowns upside down ending up hanging themselves. 

Francine’s 156-year-old grandmother beseeched Francine to find out what happened to the secret source of great sex and true happiness. 

Francine followed the path of the fountain. She went upstream, passing by four decayed bodies (if truth be told, they were bones). Speaking of bones, that is what she found at the end of the path: a cave with a set of dragon bones inside. 

But does that explain why the stream dried up? No. And we may never know what caused the magic fountain to flow.

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